"Because love decays."

Racial Harmony Day on Friday :) After school was Tales of the Dark(Part 1) with Chelsea and Shu Fen hehe. Today was probably one of my worst days in school, I have no idea what I was feeling. Seeing some unpleasant things first thing in the morning which made me ponder, so all those promises were just empty ones again? How can someone actually make all those promises and not keep to it? You have no idea how many chances I'm giving over and over again. But, this time round I'm giving one more chance, absolutely the last one.

"People take all their lives to search for happiness". So, I'm one of them too? Happiness not only on the relationship aspect, but just being happy with life. I can't seem to find it though, sometimes I even wonder if I could sleep forever and not wake up anymore. Then I don't have to bear anything else, it's a little to much to handle. I kinda sat down to reflect on my life, I realised I've been living my life for others, for expectations and responsibilities. Have you ever wondered why we have to be bounded by so many things? Can't we just live alone and not care about anything.

Recently, I stopped being a cheerful and "fun" person, or one that would socialise. That's not me, I've been forced to be that way, right from the start I'm always the quiet and sorrowful person, always a little self-absorbed in my thoughts. But, I prefer it that way. I stopped smiling, stopped talking and the whole world comes along to ask if I was feeling alright. I can say now, YES YES YES. That's me, I don't have to smile just to show that I'm feeling fine. Because I'm perfectly alright.

Oh yes, I finally realised what was my weak spot yesterday, it's probably my past. People are made strong by their past, but maybe it's the reverse effect for me. I constantly think that I'm not good enough, which is really true. Treated always like the backup plan, when they have no one else, they turn to me. How does that feel? Being at the second place makes you the first loser, how true is that. Right. Everyone wants to feel wanted, but maybe I don't anymore. I just want to have a little time for myself this time round, so leave me alone.

so much love for this picture :)

Everything comes to an end. Love decays, too. It's about time to let go.

"我假装不在意 反而痛了自己."

So officially, today marks 99 days to O Levels. Time is flying past too fast, I want time to slow down. Apparently things were going really well for a moment, and it almost reached peak of happiness. But reality check, my hopes came crashing down. "At least this hasn't been dragged for too long." I wished that it could dragged on longer though, at least I wouldn't have to face it right now, it's a little too much to handle. Maybe not just a little, it's way too much to handle I suppose. I kept asking myself what my priorities were, honestly, I have no idea. Studies? I wouldn't say it's my priority, it's just something important to be I guess.

Yesterday was just a really bad day, I shouldn't have sent that risky text. I shouldn't have. I may have brought forward a wrong message, as if I was pestering for an answer. But, okay forget it. I ain't have time for this, probably it's time to face. Honestly, I'm wondering how I'm going to put it aside again, for the third time. Third time. See how I'm stressing on the phrase, THIRD time. "Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me." So what's for me this time round? It's not first, not second, but third. This is getting way too absurd.

At the end of the day, I realised how someone was always there for me. Through so so much I've been through, that person was constantly there when I actually almost ignored him for someone else.

"I can't face that person in school, I'll probably just break down."
The reply I got: "Use mask." 

^That, obviously was an epic reply. But, it made me smile, somehow.
Really thank God for my friends, I've never realised their importance until I realised how much I've always troubled them to hear all my same old stories.

okay, I miss my long hair. ;(