should have been mine . never yours .

Sometimes , I really wonder if putting a lot of effort would always let you get what you want . Now I know , this is not how things works . Maybe you can just appear to be better , but I think I can do much better than you do . Yeah , but I'm already used to that fact so I should just give up . I'll get nothing , no achievements at all . The four years would be just a waste of time . No more self-denial that I can achieve what I want , because I know I wouldn't ever get it . Not even a single pathetic chance is given to me right now , I wonder why I had spent so much time in the past to get what I wanted . I shouldn't have , because it's stupid . I feel dumb , aiming for something that they have decided not to be for me .

Whatever , I don't really care anymore . What's going on with my life now ? Bet you're reading my blog because you want to know what's happening to me . Nothing much actually , life's getting better I guess ? Not really saddening is happening nowadays . Because I've found a few new friends . They are really those people that can understand me and can hear all my complaints and stuff . Yeah , life's getting real better with them in my life now . Thanks to them , I'm able to still survive . Had a little quarrel with my parents again , yeah because of different religion view again . I really want to what I want , can I ? PLEASE I BEG YOU . I just want to go church every Sunday , please . MYEs are coming so so so soon . 4th May ! Hope I won't stutter on stage during the short prayer . And how great , my birthday is in the midst of MYE , everyone would be too busy to care . But whatever , it's okay . I'm getting nerd , influence from my class . STUDY STUDY STUDY .

i look nerd hurhur .

When it seems like nobody cares , God cares . When it seems like nobody is there for you , God is ready to listen .