the silent scream in me .

I know I should always no matter what try to turn up . But , I don't feel a part of the family anymore . I am always like an outsider , I know maybe it was because I am always not there and all of you have forgot about my presence . Sometimes I just need to feel a part of that big family before I would be so willing and long to be there . I don't feel a thing . This has been a reason for not going for most things , because I feel so left out . And apparently , I don't even see anyone trying to even remember me . I know when I go , my heart only seeks for Him and Him alone . But , you all could always be in your own happy conversations and I am there looking through old messages , pretending to be busy doing something . I am trying to keep myself occupied . Yes , I know we have lack of people , my heart has a big burden for people to come . But , how can I convince people to come when me myself don't feel happy and do not have a sense of belonging ? I thought through just now , why am I so far away and always not turning up . This is something I have been running away from , you can say that it's an excuse but yes , this is really how I feel deep down inside me . Can I have a tiny bit of warmth ? Please .