UNWANTED .

I kinda feel unwanted , I have to stick with people that I feel so awkward with . Urgh , I just don't know what is happening . I just want to say , I feel like a shyt . Nothing's going on well I suppose , I mean , I have new friends now but I don't know if I'm being said like an ass to be going for new and better friends . But whatever , I am such a person . I guess . Anything , fine ? 

Went to study with my dearest Winnie , HuiJuan , XingHua and Joanne today ! I was supposed to run actually but , it seemed like it's going to rain so I decided to get tutored by HuiJuan and XingHua for my a-math ! HAHAH . I realised that Winnie has almost the same 'a-math' brain like me . Yay , finally someone understands and in the same boat as me ;)

One smiley face , in my entire post . Not in the good to smile , but forget it . No one cares .

Sometimes, a smile is just a cover up when someone tries to remain strong, but deep inside is dying of pain .

short update :)

It's like 5 days to MYEs ! And, I'm proud to say that I haven't start studyinggg . I have a feeling that I will get like 20 and above for L1R5 . But , I'm not trying to find excuses but I don't really think there's a need to mug like mad now . If you have listened and focused in class , everything should be alright . You just need to look through worksheets and notes to refresh your memory right ? Yes .

Nothing much is going on in my life right now . Everything's going well , I guess . Yes , I'm trying to type in proper english now because I want to improve on my english badly . I need to get an A2 , not always a B3 . I have nothing to say already , so bye .

so cute <3

Hohoho , short update here . Yesterday I went to Huijuan's house with Winnie and we left Huijuan at home then we ran at bedok reservoir xD Not run a lot luh , only 2.5km ! x) Which didn't make me tired at all ! Hope can run more next time , if we both wore sport shoes which could protect our poor feets from the stony ground . We were like ''ouch ouch..'' at some parts of the running path ); Kelian right ! HAHAHA . heheh . Secrets were shared x) -ssshhhh- I shall not say anything , we were probably mad ~ Yeah baby.

Today was a meaningful day for me , at the prayer meeting with my fellow friends at the counselling block was indeed awesome (; God really spoke to me in that wonderful environment , BREAKTHROUGH IN ONE ACCORD . Two words I got from Him : ''Friends(salvation)'' & ''Intimacy(with God)''

Pressing on for more definitely ~

Pictures we took during/after the run :)

-likes-

limegreen &hotpink ~

my favourite picture :)

huijuan ! xD

bye . LOL .

haircut baby .

so true right . 

I've got nothing to do today , nothing much to study either because I've completed my homework yesterday already . I super love my new laptop :) So nice to type HAHAH . Be jealous people ! Went for a haircut just now , my hair look really short but almost the same when I tie up . Lucky my fringe isn't screwed ! Because there's class photo on the 25th of April which is like in 3 days time ? Yeah . Nothing much to talk about now :) Bye for now . LOL .

before haircut !

''After''s :

kinda looks the same :/

should have been mine . never yours .

Sometimes , I really wonder if putting a lot of effort would always let you get what you want . Now I know , this is not how things works . Maybe you can just appear to be better , but I think I can do much better than you do . Yeah , but I'm already used to that fact so I should just give up . I'll get nothing , no achievements at all . The four years would be just a waste of time . No more self-denial that I can achieve what I want , because I know I wouldn't ever get it . Not even a single pathetic chance is given to me right now , I wonder why I had spent so much time in the past to get what I wanted . I shouldn't have , because it's stupid . I feel dumb , aiming for something that they have decided not to be for me .

Whatever , I don't really care anymore . What's going on with my life now ? Bet you're reading my blog because you want to know what's happening to me . Nothing much actually , life's getting better I guess ? Not really saddening is happening nowadays . Because I've found a few new friends . They are really those people that can understand me and can hear all my complaints and stuff . Yeah , life's getting real better with them in my life now . Thanks to them , I'm able to still survive . Had a little quarrel with my parents again , yeah because of different religion view again . I really want to what I want , can I ? PLEASE I BEG YOU . I just want to go church every Sunday , please . MYEs are coming so so so soon . 4th May ! Hope I won't stutter on stage during the short prayer . And how great , my birthday is in the midst of MYE , everyone would be too busy to care . But whatever , it's okay . I'm getting nerd , influence from my class . STUDY STUDY STUDY .

i look nerd hurhur .

When it seems like nobody cares , God cares . When it seems like nobody is there for you , God is ready to listen . 

good week ? (n)

Dear Heart, please stop breaking, you weren't made in China. Sincerely, Me. #viatumblr

HAHAHA . I don't know why but I just find this quote very funnyyy x) Nah , realised that I haven't been updating my blog alot and my last post was like 6 days ago ? Wow . I was trying to ' study ' and I think I had just wasted my time copying notes and stuff . Nothing is going into my head . Maybe because my head isk like flooded by too much things already ? Yeah I guess so . I have nothing else to say . Bye for now . Maybe sometimes , things will be better if left unsaid .

-spammed pics on a bay day-

the silent scream in me .

I know I should always no matter what try to turn up . But , I don't feel a part of the family anymore . I am always like an outsider , I know maybe it was because I am always not there and all of you have forgot about my presence . Sometimes I just need to feel a part of that big family before I would be so willing and long to be there . I don't feel a thing . This has been a reason for not going for most things , because I feel so left out . And apparently , I don't even see anyone trying to even remember me . I know when I go , my heart only seeks for Him and Him alone . But , you all could always be in your own happy conversations and I am there looking through old messages , pretending to be busy doing something . I am trying to keep myself occupied . Yes , I know we have lack of people , my heart has a big burden for people to come . But , how can I convince people to come when me myself don't feel happy and do not have a sense of belonging ? I thought through just now , why am I so far away and always not turning up . This is something I have been running away from , you can say that it's an excuse but yes , this is really how I feel deep down inside me . Can I have a tiny bit of warmth ? Please . 

batch outing ? xD

Went out in the morning today at like 9plus ? I was supposed to only wake up at like 8plus . In the end , even before my alarm rang I woke up already . Asdfghjkl . I wanted to sleep more 'cos i'm really really need a good rest ! I'm too tired already luh . Too many things to think , settle , forget , aiya whatever . My mind is in a big mess , i'm gonna ignore and not bother already . Really . MYEs are like SO SOON uh , but i don't feel like bothering about it . I hate it , really . I'm going to fall onto my knees and break down so so soon . But , i will hold it back . Enough of shyt , now to talk about today !

Yupp , met up with 97 batch for breakfast ! (: It was kinda awkward at first 'cos only got Sihui , Andre and me there . Then both of them keep reading book ! I had nth to do luh haha . It's kinda epic 'cos Andre didn't send the breakfast msg to Andy and Shaun x) NOOB UH . heh . After that , everyone except for Shaun came for breakfast ! But in the end only me , Andy , Andre and Chelsea went out for the movie ! Had an epic journey there , deciding whether we're going to Tampines or Pasir Ris haha . Yeah . Andy didn't join us for movie although he paid ! xD haha . waste money again . We watched Mirror Mirror ! ;) hehe . It was okay I think ? Not really that nice luh heh . -sad- Forget to take batch picture ! haishh . Took pictures though haha . 

369 .

Didn't you promise to wait ? Don't promise , if you know you won't be able to keep to it . Just close your eyes , and you'll be alright ..

Friday was a great day ! xD Got to watch Hunger Games with 97batch and Adrian . HAHA . An epic day I should say , yupp but I shall not elaborate on what happened -secret- LOL . But , we didn't get to take pic tgt uh .. COS I FORGOT TO BRING MY CAMERA OUT . How sad can that be ._. Bleh . I think I could just die if I don't have a camera . #justsaying .

Ytd went to watch NPAP ! Sad uh , didn't get to see the rest in no. 1 uniform ;( Arghhhh . Haish , which is like going for nothing liddat . You think I want watch the parade meh , I want to see my friends and juniors luh . DUMB . But yupp , of cos I didn't forget to take pictures ! x)

brown eyes ~

smile , everything's gonna be alright . i guess .