sudden obsession

HYPOPHRENIA.^ Found this word by chance on Tumblr.
It's a scientific name for mental deficiency but apparently some twisted the meaning to :
" A vague feeling of sadness seemingly without a cause. "

this cute boy :3

Changed my blog title to something strange but I just have a sudden obsession with that word. I like it that way, you don't have the right to say anything. Went out today with my family, I bought clothes again. I had nothing better to do, can't go to church and yeah. The feeling when they reject your request for church is just so bad that I can't even. Urgh. Bought a tanktop and unusually long cardigan. That's all. I have nothing much to rant/brag about these days.

look at my fat thighs .

devour .

I still feel super bloated now, although my dinner was 3 hours ago. I ate way too much today and yesterday, I just couldn't resist the temptation again. Two packets of chips and soya bean milk for snack yesterday, oyster fried egg and black carrot cake for dinner. #guiltymax. I feel like.. Urgh. Nevermind, forget it. I will just grow so fat one day and no one recognizes me.

Life still goes on, after getting over tonnes of broken promises,

Nothing should affect me anymore, it wouldn't bring any good.

...

Hope I do well tomorrow.

Okay bye.

it's sunday .

Haven't been hanging out with my friends for a little long while, no pictures taken, no anything. I feel kinda deprive of going out to shop with friends. Term 3 would have been better if some things did not happen but thank God, it's all gone and I'm back up on my two feet and moving on with life. But somehow, I feel that my life is plain, way too plain. It has been good all the way, no 'ups' but full of 'downs'. I need better things to add colours to my life. This sound too cliche, so forget it.

Things to do/Wishlist :

1. Hang out with friends soon

2. I need to get at least a pass for my AMath

3. Stop procrastinating

4. Spend more time with people that's worth my time

5. Forget about all those empty promises

6. Move on with life

7. Lead a life of worship

"It takes years to build up trust, and just seconds to destroy it." 

over and done finally .

This week passed in an blink of an eye, it seems as though today was still Tuesday. I am serious. The previous week was stupid and foolish, this week was a recovery period and now I am over and done with every shyt that I went through. End of story.

Physics test today was like HELL. I didn't study enough honestly, trying to read physics notes right under Peng Lao Shi's nose. I should have not procrastinate the previous night, and I had to leave everything to the next day. The feeling sucks when you feel so inferior, compared to the people near you. You feel so dumb, scoring below average marks. I rant and rant, but I didn't do anything about it. I can't make myself do that. Maybe I should try. I don't want to feel inferior anymore.

forget about the existence of someone who breaks promises.


Aunt bought me this:

not my style x)

it's gonna start and end

These few days were bad, real bad. It's not about that though, it's something else. I couldn't stand it anymore, maybe it's just recently that I found out but what can I do. I have to just get it out of my mind and stop being listless in class if not my teacher will ask me if I am okay after every lesson of hers. The feeling sucks, I want to tell her what happen but I do not have the courage to. I feel like a piece of shyt, really. But I guess, life still goes on. The earth continues to revolve around the sun, things will get better each day hopefully. The emotional side of me is back again, it's bad. It's going to end soon. Well, at least I will do something to settle my messy train of thoughts now. I will forget everything, all those things erased away from my mind.

Just like before.

THIS BLOODY ASS 

hurts like nothing .

I have no idea what to feel anymore.

You all hate me.

Lord, in You I trust only.

what if.

Most touching line said by a best friend: "When I die, don't come near my body, because my hand may not be able to wipe your tears anymore."

paranoid not.

Went for the event: Freedom Writers today ! Didn't really feel anything special, it wasn't a super impactful one. No atmosphere at all.

I guess I've grown stronger, this time round, I get back up on my two feet real fast. Because I know exactly how I should be facing all these shyt and all. Things that hurt me made me stronger and see the real truth. Things are all hidden, waiting for a chance and then it all gets exposed. All the ugly side. 

I am not going to be affected. I am strong enough. 

fight for what you want.

When you judge me without knowing me, you do not define me, you define yourself.

Sometimes I do not know what people really think deep inside them. It's difficult to guess. I fight for what I want, I sacrifice all that I want because I believe that efforts is the key to success. You would never get what you truly want until you show that you want to by giving in your all. Bitching about others when they took or got what you want is not the way. Definitely not the correct way. I have no idea what you're thinking unless you tell me. You find me too competitive? Come on, prove to me that you can do better. But currently, sorry I am still better than you are. I am stronger than you are. I am determined to achieve what I want. You don't. WTF. I have tried so hard to stop complaining and using crude words but everything seems to be allowing me to start again.

I am hiding a lot of things, a lot of bad thoughts. I hid a lot of things I did from people.

'Cos I believe everything is better left unsaid.

SCREW THIS SHYT.

things are better left unsaid .

Sometimes, I don't know how things works. I mean, my brain. I tend to spend my time on those who I have been drifting off from recently. I am scared to lose another new friend, but I seem to have made it worse. I know how it feels like to get left alone, well I had that feeling before too. It's just that I kept it to myself, so that nothing will ever happen. I have little time, for so many people.  I can't afford to lose anymore friends including you. I know today was foolish but it all was something that I knew I should do and I shouldn't. No one could be perfect in their doings, I guess that definitely includes me as well. Give me time, please understand. Pretty please. I'm sorry.

i . hate . my . hair

My hair's a little too short. It isn't growing at all. 

There's school tomorrow, and I don't feel like going. Was doing A-Math and Chemistry homework just now, I seemed to have forgotten everything that I've learnt before. I'm so screwed. I should wake up from fantasy and plunge myself back into reality. I have no idea how many times I've told myself this, and nothing seems to work out in the end. I go back to lazying around like there's nothing to do when there is tonnes of work to be done. 

It's Monday again tomorrow. School's going to suck .

Results of being too bored:

it's all off my shoulders

My week has been hectic, tonnes of stuff came crashing on me. I'm thankful that He brought me through the week, it was difficult but I passed it. Chinese 'O' Level Oral, Inter-unit Drill Competition, screwed up a little but yeah, it's all over. I should be thankful for that. Got lots of support from friends :) And that kinda helped me alot !

I'm a person who needs encouragement, needs a push on the back. If not, I'll remain stagnant. Well, that isn't good though. Have to work on that part of me.


I'm kinda picture deprive, so this post shall be plain.



All those fairy-tales are full of shyt.

short .

true that .

Today's a great day . 

I have no idea how I could elaborate what kind of happiness I'm feeling for the entire day.I just sense that the air has become sweeter and everything has became even better . Although , my hair's kinda screwed . See for yourself later below ! HAHA . But , it's kinda alright now . I realised that if you keep thinking that life is boring , subconsciously it will convince your brain to think that everything you do seem to meaningless and everything just screws up every single second of your life . Look on the bright side , that's the best thing . Managed to complete some undone homework today , feel so accomplished . 

People do care for you , so , no worries I guess .

before !

after !
my hair so just so weirdddd . GOSH .